I am Enamoured

I look at you now, like I did long ago, trying to steal glances. Each moment that our eyes meet, I skip a beat or two. I try and yearn for you, even though you are still here, I want to feel more than love. I've been having dreams about you, about how you would look on that day and how you would smile when I look at you. A soft smile, like the clouds one sees on mostly fair days. I touch you now, and you are still here, very close to me now. I try and remember what you had said the other day, about love stories being like flowers, they will wilt away one day. You wanted us to be like a cacti, bad metaphor I had said, and you rolled your eyes. I want us to endure you had said, because you make me smile. That's it, just for smiles, you want me to be plump and thorny just so that you can smile. And you rolled your eyes. You took my hand and enveloped your fingers in mine, like you do, just the way I like. I held your face so that you wouldn't look away, and I said something that you would remember forever, let's be(e) honey! Sweet and healthy. And you laughed, and you laughed till you became teary-eyed. You are so fixated on the metaphor she said, get out of your head, and while your at it try and think with your heart as well. I guess explaining the physiological anomaly to her would be a waste. So I just said the first few words that came into my head, "You know, I am Enamoured with you". And she laughed, and I smiled.

Filtered Through the Leaves

Whispers and ecstatic sounds

Visions of heaving mounds

Lovelorn tapestry, intricate weaves

Filtered through the leaves.

Fleeting but not lost, time

Verses of an ancient rime

Mere words unless evoked

From a lover's heart, in love soaked.

A dainty maiden by his side

Is she the ONE, the runaway bride?

Ask gently and the trees may speak

A tale of derring, not for the weak.

But our Hero, on his sword won

The ill of many but he fears none

For true love be his calling

And so loud its call

To done a deed so appalling

That he be remembered by one and all.

P.S. - Written yesterday night, immersed deep in the ruminations of love, started out okay but as always it became appalling in the end.

the giant sleeps

A violent sound,
Death abound;
A mother weeps,
The giant sleeps.

No time left,
Promises unkept;
Fear creeps,
The giant sleeps.

Faraway lands,
Fettered hands;
Village Burned,
Giant Unturned.

The myth divides,
Love subsides;
Intolerable bleeding,
The giant sleeping.

No end in sight,
Fight or Flight;
Vision blurs,
The giant stirs.

Giant, Awake?
No Escape;
Dreams help me cope,
I have but hope.

P.S. - Written about an year ago, the fact that the essence still rings just as true is what makes me sad.

I love. I hate. Anger. Pain. Freedom.

There was a time in my life when nothing bothered me much, my attitude was happiness. I could be happy on a cold winter's night; on a hot summer afternoon and on wet, gloomy mornings. Happiness was my drug, my peace, my constant companion.

Not any more, age has weathered my existence, I worry too much, I fear too much. As I write these words, my hands wrapped in multiple bandages, my bottom numb from the Tetanus shot I took an hour back, I feel old. Pain shoots through my fingers intermittently, I can bear that, but this other feeling, it's not too easy to shake-off.

I've loved in my life, intensely, it's the greatest emotion in the world but it's also the most difficult. I love food, movies, sports, my country, people, close friends, my family and a woman. As my love increases for a person or a thing, I put more premium on it, I demand more from it and from myself to make it better. Love demands perfection which life cannot afford.

I hate my country, not for it's people, politicians or problems but because the intensity of my love demands that it be perfect. I hate myself because there is nothing I am doing to make it better, as one man put it, to make it 'A More Perfect Union'.

Fear stems anger and so does frustration, the hatred that corrupts the heart of good men (and women) is palpable in my country today. We love not because we ought to but because we can, and that is true freedom. Freedom is not what I wear on my sleeve, but what I carry in my heart. Freedom is not absence of fear, but the courage to fight it. I cannot bear the pain any more, my country dies each time freedom is denied to it's citizens, each time hatred triumphs over love. I hate myself, courage abandons me and fear fuels my anger, I am not free because I do not deserve it.

I know that I am not too old, and the world is not cold. Love is still a very beautiful thing, anger and fear may cloud our vision at times but still the embers of freedom burn in our hearts. My country may bleed, but it can also heal. My wounds are fresh today but they shall heal as well.

Today, let not this Anniversary of Freedom become another passing memory, I shall choose to be free from the demons within me and without, because I can, because sitting on the fence is not an option any more.